This is what happens when you combine the words “love” and “bomb.” Students at a school in Sweden arrived one morning to see hateful anti-Semitic messages scrawled across the front of their school. Another group of young people decided that wasn’t ok, and “love bombed” the school the following day. They wanted the students to arrive to messages of love and support instead of the venom that greeted them the day before. It doesn't solve the problem, but reaching out with compassion may help heal the wounds. (Details at huffingtonpost.com.)
Apparently many women don’t get raises at work because they don’t ask for raises at work. It seems that women often think that a request for more money or benefits will anger their employer so much that they may lose the job entirely, which history shows is quite unlikely. For some people, the reluctance to ask for what they want at work may be part off a more general reluctance to ask for what they want (in relationships, at the hair stylist, etc). For others, the discomfort may be more specific to uncertainty in work situations. Either way, it’s important to remember that people cannot generally read your mind. If you want something you may need to ask for it in a way that is appropriate for the situation and respectful. While there’s no guarantee you’ll get it, you have a greater chance of success than if you stay silent. (For more info see “The Irrational Fear that’s Keeping You from Your Next Raise” at MarieClaire.com.)
Ella and Eric were together for a couple of years. Eric cheated on Ella with Annie, then broke up with Ella to be with Annie. A few months went by, then Eric cheated on Annie with Ella. Annie found out and broke up with Eric. Now, Eric wants Ella back, and promises that he’s changed and that she’s the one. While Ella told herself that she was just in it for the vengeance sex, she still thinks they’re great together and is tempted to try again. Her friends tell her that she’s crazy for considering it, and that he’ll never change. But she misses Eric and misses having a boyfriend. Here are a few things Ella may want to think about:
Has Eric figured out why he’s cheated in the past?Has he dealt with his own issues that caused his actions?Has he sincerely apologized to Ella? Have Eric and Ella together dealt with any couple-related issues that caused problems for them before?Has Ella figured out what she needs from Eric to rebuild trust, and asked for those things, and has he agreed?
One snowbound afternoon, I noticed that there seems to be lots of media focus lately on life-changing choices. From dramatic celebrity stories (like Demi Lovato’s descent into the hell of eating disorders and drug addiction, and her climb back up), to the onslaught of articles about New Year’s resolutions, the message of change is everywhere. If you’re pretty happy with your life the way it is, feel free to ignore all of this societal commentary. However, if you’d like something to be different in your life, whether it’s a major change or a minor tweaking, here are some general tips:
Be tough enough to stand up for yourself, and be vulnerable enough to be real.Nurture your independence, and nurture your relationships (personal & professional).Be realistic about the journey ahead, and be confident and optimistic that you’ll get there.Set goals and plan strategies, but leave room for new ideas and unexpected opportunities.Work, play, relax, recharge, connect—not necessarily in that order.
Meanwhile, did you see Lady Gaga on Saturday Night Live in November? Though the singer who has hatched out of a giant egg and worn a meat dress is never predictable, her comedic talent was a surprise. But, I was most impressed by her willingness to laugh about her own over-the-top self-presentation when she quipped in a skit, “people who try too hard with their outfits are maybe hiding something.” It’s consistent with her openness about her own long-standing battle with body image and self-esteem difficulties. Bravo to Lady Gaga for being honest about these issues. Everyone has some sort of personal or interpersonal challenge in life. You might as well acknowledge it (at least to yourself) and face it directly.
BluebirdPages.com was created to provide accurate and useful information about a variety of personal and interpersonal topics. You can also find stories here about people whose life experiences may be similar to yours. BluebirdPages.com is not psychotherapy. Its goal is to provide information and ideas that can help you find your own power over your own life, and move toward greater happiness, comfort and fulfillment.